What Makes Sisyphus Happy

Some quotes from Camus. People need to stop making fun of him as a non-age philosopher, if taken seriously his words contain a lot of substance.

“The feeling of the absurd springs from happiness.”

“All Sisyphus’s silent joy is contained therein. His fate belongs to him. His rock is his thing.”

“There is no sun without shadow and it is essential to know the night.”

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Mental health is very political. I understand that the mental health industry is one ripe with corruption, propaganda and other evils from the machine. However, just because its practice contains and reinforces negative behaviours, it doesn’t mean we should ignore it.

The critique of mental health could go on forever and I intend to dedicate an entire book to it some time mañana. I have written more about it at the end of this essay. While “(we) Lacan-reading hipsters” (Fisher) write for no one on this, suffering continues, it is universal and it really sucks. My brain has inflicted a lot of suffering upon me, and here are the things I have read or learnt that have helped me.

My goal for psychological health is to develop the fortitude/will to not be paralysed by unpredictable stimuli. I like using the metaphor of a guitar string.

When a light guitar string (such as the high e) is wound very tightly, a gentle pluck breaks it. We call this being high strung, fragile or sensitive in common parlance.

When a thick guitar string (such as the low E) is loosely tighten, it takes a lot more force to break it. You can strike it and it will flex back into its shape.

Just like that guitar string, my aim is train my mind to be able to bend. To become thick like a low E string by developing mental fortitude and the ability to handle any force that tries to unbalance me.

In terms practical things, here are things I have found helpful.

I. I try to go for a walk/run or do any form of exersise every morning. It gives me the most motivation and joy that last for the day if it is done outside. This has the greatest scientific support for supporting the mental fortitude and motivation. II. I try to pay attention as much as I can in life. I do this for everything, the rhythm of my steps, the rustling of the trees...I don't remember all of it but I try to notice it, heeding the advice of the birds in Huxley's Island, "ATTENTION". III. I try to talk to people, about anything really. Solitude winds my string tighter and tighter. Being outside also helps, in the sunshine or grazed by the wind, it unwinds me. VI. I meditate, that being a state free from stimuli. I try to digest my busy mind. While using things like the [UCLA guided meditations](https://www.uclahealth.org/uclamindful/free-guided-meditations) are a great science backed first step, I prefer to just stare at walls, trees or the back of my eye lids. V. I am vegan, it has made me happier! I try to feed myself with food that my body likes, not my mind. My signal for this is my bowel movements and the degree of pain I experience the shit after a certain food. I avoid painful shits and tummy aches, this actually has raised my baseline happiness more than anything else. VI. I listen and play a lot of music, it’s meant to be really really good for us! Every culture has it's own music and I like them all. For me it is also another form of communicating. I play and have played in a lot of jazz concerts/session in my life, where improvisation is key. When I play instruments now the technique is an afterthought, my fingers move to the rhythms of my heart, my mouth blows the wind of my spirit; it liberates/*exorcises* those thoughts and emotions which we don't yet have the language for. VII. I try to keep body fit and healthy. A good litmus test is to be fit enough to be able to rearrange all furniture in your house by yourself. My litmus test is hiking and the appearance of my body. People may have an issue with the second one and that is perfectly valid, I am just speaking for me personally. In my life when I have looked good, I have felt good and the opposite is also true. In general when my mind is feeling more depressed, my body also reflects it, "when the body is sad, the heart languishes" (Camus). I also like taking my shirt off and knowing that it will looked upon favourably. VIII. I sleep such that I feel rested, nothing less nothing more. I also try and get out of bed as soon as I wake up, I fail often at doing this. If I am not sleeping alone but with a romantic partner this is also a moot point. There is nothing that sparks my day like being with the person who owns my heart first thing in the morning, I always want my first emotion to be love. IX. I take psychedelics safely. There is a litany of guides on this but in general I make sure I am safe in my mind (not overly stressed or going through a rough time) and in a space/with people I feel save with. I then am read to embark on extra-dimensional travel. Psychedelics are what killed my MDD and what I attribute most of my positive mental developments to; picking up music again, learning 3d art and game dev, learning to program etc. For me it is like 6 months of therapy embedded into a couple hours. I try and take some from of psychedelics at least twice a year but no more than once a month. If I am experiencing a weak will when I don't have time to redevelop it naturally I take stimulants. Modafinal, ADHD drugs or micro-douses or psychedelics and a couple other over the counter drugs work best for me. X I like to be in awe more and to shock myself. With ideas, images, places and experiences. I like to stretch the overton window of my emotions. A study done by Stellar in 2015 says it is the emotion with the most health benefits. The Japaneses moral ontology of Ikigai says to try something every year that is completely unimaginable or death defying. This year it was no harness bouldering on a cliff face in the Adriatic. 30 meters up with a long fall down to sharp rocks. The face was full of loose rocks and few hand holds. My legs shook a little but I did it, and it was good. They postulate, and confirm by their praxis, that activities that are completely out of your comfort zone loosen you (like the guitar string). This has the effect of decreasing worry, such that you won't freak out and leave for the airport 4hrs early. Whats the worst that could happen if you are late for a flight, or miss it, is it worse then nearly falling to your death?

In line with the awe, I try follow the psychologists advice to imagine as much as I can. In doing so I try my best to notice when I am falling into a hole of rumination and focus my imagination and things that bring me joy, or prepare me for interacting with the world.

IX. I have repeated "mantras" or quotes/aphorisms that I repeat in conversation or commit messages and sometimes remind the friends in my head about, it makes them (me) happy. I look to Bodhisattva mantras or legendary works of poetry, literature, movies or songs. Manifestation may not have evidence, as expressed by your local blue haired amateur astrologist, but it does have a psychological effect on how you see the world.

With these callings I also try and imagine as much as I can. more, imagine your self, who you are in others shoes, who you could be, who you want to be imagine!

X. Emotions are just sensations, they wash over my body. My emotions are very silly, they are knee jerk reaction to stimuli from tens of thousands of years of evolution and my the moulds my life experiences have engraved in my mind. These emotions are very real, and should be accepted not fought against. They are pulses from our bodies to be heard. I have found doing battle with my brain to be useless. Understanding and training my brain have been much more effective ways direct it away from suffering. When an emotion arises I ask if the emotion is associated with the mind, body or energy/vibe. I try to situate the emotion, and then let it be.

In line with that the quote “passing mental states become lasting neural traits” by Rick Hanson really lives with me, I try not to let negative mental states stay, I let them go so I can just be.

XI. With people and things I try to make the first and last interaction positive or joyful in line with the primacy effect and recency bias. It gives me a better impression of everything, and tricks my brain into remembering everything and everyone have the stamp of joy. I fail at this often. XII. I try and challenge each conceptual understanding I have with an example that shows the opposite (dialectal praxis and that), if there is none it's probably right. I also keep in my mind the ideas are just that ideas, impressions of other minds and just models for understanding reality. Ideas in and of themselves are not real. For those familiar this is an anti-Hegel and anti-Marx take, I prefer Heraclitus, Diogenes and Lao Ze. For "a belief is just a repeated thought", it in andof itself contains no truth value. Repeated thoughts embedded themselves within me via neuroplasticity and in extreme cases epigenetics. Belief have caused my mind to suffer (such as believing in the reason of Nick Land that really hurt me and still does). In addition, I understand my memories are imperfect and coded with schema, it is not real real; to the extent that a real exists. I remember the words of Paracelsus “belief must strengthen the imagination for imagination establishes the will.”

Schematic memory is a weakness of the human mind only if you qualify it as such, I think it is a great strength. In imagining a new thingx I attempt to categories it as a type of y. The y can be by time, topic, appearance etc. Studies show this is the best way to remember things.

I try my hardest to organise the products of my silly brain. I use Obsidian for note taking and writing. I try and store all the media that I consume online on Zotero. I read in the app annotating/adding my thoughts/critique on the piece as I go through it. I prefer to read physical books and do so with a pencil in hand always. My book shelves at home are organised by data released. I am still figuring out how to taxonomise all the information and am coming to a solution but will probably take another year, will be starting a company for this once I have it figured out. I have a name for it though selfware, a friend recommended it and I like it.

I try and jounral in whatever way I can. Sometimes it’s sketching, sometimes it’s voice memos, sometimes it’s in my obsidian note of the day but mostly through picking up and instrument or talking to people I really trust. I am as honest as possible in this process, like no one else will ever see it (even though many people do). Our memory is so incredibly flawed and biased but when I reflect on my thoughts and actions, I can notice patterns and adjust to be who I want to be.

XIII. I like having a clean room. I am a man who was once a boy, and thus am naturally very messy. I am not overly irritated by mess or disorder but have noticed that clean environments improve my mood, productivity and life outlook. The order extends to the digital, I run a custom NixOS system with bspwm as my base window manager to make sure my digital environment is exactly how I like it. When I was running proprietary OS (windows or macos) years ago, I never had anything on my desktop, used a password manager and installed a dynamic window manager (eg Yabi for MacOS) to increase control over my working environment. Another thing for this is using VIM, VIM is something I can't live without, I use it in everything. Tt provides order to text editing that has changed the way I think and work.

For interior design philosophy is that of disclosure, I throw my entire personality into the decor of my house. All 300 sq feet of my studio apartment represent me, it reminds me of myself and allows guests a gleam into my life and personality.

In the discussion of environment, I like being in the certain environments for certain activities; in line with the context effect. Here are some:

• My studio apartment is for eating, sleeping, relaxing and work.
• Studying is done in the library, I like this to be an un-stimulating environment like the basement library of main stacks in Berkeley.
• Reading is to be done outside or on the toilet in the morning.
• Reading is on paper with a pencil in hand for annotations or on Zotero.
• I prefer to do writing on a tablet or on a phone for the first draft. Editing on a computer.
• Sports are to be watched in stadiums or bars or with others, this is something I lack in America as I watch only Soccer and Rugby. It makes me very sad to watch highlights alone and not be able to talk about it with anyone.
• Drinking and the devils lettuce are to be enjoyed at night or outside on a sunny field or beer garden.
• Coffee can not be consumed past 12 (unless needed).

XIV. As you can see from this website, I like to put myself out there. I take this from Hannah Ardent's *The Human Condition* and her elaboration of the myth of self hood. I try to **disclose**, imagine the word like taking off your clothes, as much as I feel comfortable with. I show things that I used to not want people to see like my stupid poorly edited writings (this blog), my general personality traits, projects and [shitty music recordings from 5 years ago or last week](https://www.youtube.com/@StephenOkitasMusicalMusings. It helps me to build confidence, meaning being more comfortable with myself, and establishes my person hood to the world and myself. In an age where we own nothing it gives me solace to know I own this little corner of the internet, and to know my existence brings something to other people. Whether they learn something from it, laugh at it, admire it or cringe at it, at least it's something.

On these pages I try to display the raw substance of it. I will never be perfect, nor do I ever want to be. I will continue to fuck up, misspell words, publish bad code and play the wrong notes, in the project of doing the best I can within my mental capacity. Anything less or more is a product of insecurity.

I will probably be editing this list for my entire life and have actually citing source on this but I really need to upload this essay as it is clogging my todo list and causing my mind stress.

This section was originally included on top but I recognising that most people will just skim this I decided to drop the critique at the end.

There is a wealth of powerful critique of the negative effects of the western mental health thesis. I will quickly summarise some of the ones I am familiar with below.

*Foucault (Madness and Civilisation and pretty much all of his work (early 1960s))**

Michel Foucault demonstrated how psychiatric knowledge functions as social control, with mental illness categories serving as historically contingent constructs that regulate deviance rather than objective medical realities.

**Deleuze & Guattari’s Anti-Oedipus and A Thousand Plateaus

(early 1970s)** D&G describe psychoanalysis and psychiatry as repressive systems that order and pathologise the rhythms of desire. Their proposed “schizoanalysis” views “madness” not as illness but as mechanism to resist the homogenising forces of capitalism. As evident by my recent blog posts, this is my regular mode of critique.

Critique of Diagnostic Categories (late 90s)

Many people have critiqued the political bias of the DSM, in Ian Parker and Nikolas Rose crique they show many, if not most, psychiatric classifications as reflection of contingent or artificial cultural values rather than a malfunctioning mind. Never mind the critique of what is a “functioning mind” and for what power is the psychiatric community making their patients function for. This continues to happen with some the DSM constantly evolving, redacting and inventing disorders to match the demands of the hungry zeitgeist.

Critique of Biological Reductionism (Mid-Late 2000)

David Healy and a host of other prominent psychologists and cultural theorists expose how the “chemical imbalance” narrative was largely constructed through pharmaceutical marketing rather than compelling scientific evidence. Further psychological research has revealed Hollon et al (2005) and Bockting et al (2008) further demonstrated the inefficacy of pharmacological solutions to our crisis. Yet the propaganda (marketing), academic and political lobbying have shaped both professional practice and public understanding. Drugs even pharmaceutical ones are effective in certain cases, but in general don’t do drugs kids!

Social Determinants Perspective

Mark Fisher and other post-capitalist theorist have argued rates of depression and anxiety reflect structural problems in late capitalism. While our culture industry propagandised de-politicisation as a virtue (around McCarthy era), the issue of mental illness thus became an individual issue rather than a community issue (as it was for all of history). The therapist became a profession and not the role of a priest or elder. Studies on the aetiology and treatment contradict the atomisation of well being by demonstrating social and monetary stresses as the primary causes for mental illness; as well as the most effective treatment. Fisher labelled this a pervasive ethic of the business ontology, which after the 80s became as foundational as democracy or “freedom” to my burger shovelling comrades. It is relevant to also note fisher did suffer for mental illness with it eventually taking his life in the late 2000s, leaving his wife and child distraught to this day; the preface to Capitalist Realism includes a note from his wife that is truly heart reaching.

Cultural Imperialism in Global Mental Health

Derek Summerfield and Ethan Watters support Fishers argument with anthropological evidence. Neo-imperialism of the US and it’s vassal states have forced Western psychiatric upon the world at large. Places with 1000s of years of history creating diverse and nuanced cultural understandings of mental malfunctioning. The insensitive mendacious west have worked to erase indigenous and traditional frameworks for understanding and managing suffering and create a new country of patients to their patented method of treatment. Western treatment is simultaneously the least effective at treating the very real phenomena of “mental illness”, however the capitalist vernacular of suffering (one created for profit) has been propagated around the globe. The language of mental health, for which most languages borrow from the English as it was a novel concept for their society, direct all dialogue of suffering to their rational imperialist overlords. This is not just evil in spirit, it actually is we have never had more suicides, psychiatric patients or drug addicts as we have right now.

Sorry to end this on a sad note, if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes or if you have any thoughts leave them in the comments please.